Under the Rage: What the Body Holds and the Heart Must Feel

Author: Bianca Moeschinger

July 2025

A personal reflection on somatic healing, emotional weight, and the hidden wisdom within anger

There’s a kind of sadness that makes it hard to breathe — where every breath feels heavy with memory. I’m angry. I’m disappointed. And I don’t know where to put it all.

Some days, it feels like I’m clawing through the fog, searching for a spark of meaning — anything that will pull me out. But my body feels like a container of everything I’ve ever lived through. And right now, that container is heavy.

I’ve obviously reached a point in my life where the past — especially the unresolved parts — are surfacing. The choices I once made, which felt like the best or only ones at the time, now feel like they’ve shaped a reality that doesn’t reflect what I once believed I was building. Some of those decisions came from lack — lack of confidence, support, safety. When we are in need, we make choices we might never make if we were well-resourced.

Sometimes those needs begin early — as children. We learn to operate from survival, constantly scanning the outside world, trying to make it safe, trying to belong. And slowly, we internalise the belief that we are limited to the cards we were dealt. That maybe we can never truly change.

Other times, we chase desire. We choose what feels good or right in the moment to avoid the weight of what’s actually present. The high becomes addictive. But eventually, life invites us to stop. To drop in. And to feel.

In my work, and in myself, I’ve seen the deep fear of this descent. The fear of getting stuck in what we’ve spent years running from. The shame. The regret. The guilt. These emotions can destroy us if we don’t meet them with honesty and care. But they are also teachers — painful ones — showing us the truth behind our past choices or the situations we were forced into.

One thing I’ve learned: the only way out is through.

If we don’t consciously face these emotions and allow the somatic process to unfold, the energy gets trapped. The mind loops. We over-analyse. We ruminate. We feel frustrated, angry, full of internal rage. Resentment builds in the body like a wall. Eventually, we start to see the world — and the people in it — through that lens.

This doesn’t dismiss what happened. The history is real. The pain may be valid. But our inability to metabolise the emotional wash of those events creates stagnation.

So we begin.

Not with solutions. Not with logic. But with presence.

We start by facing it — bringing light to what we’ve been avoiding. Then we feel. Fully. Without rushing. Without turning away. This part is messy. It unravels us, yes — but with trust, it can also happen with grace. We remember: this too shall pass.

And underneath all of it — the shame, the rage, the heartbreak — there is space. There is breath. There is lightness.

It’s hard to believe, I know. But it’s there.

When we add thoughts to emotion, we amplify it. When we witness the emotion — let it run its course without the mind steering the show — something powerful happens. We build trust with the body. And the body, in turn, shows us the way home.

Unfelt emotions eventually hurt us, and often, those around us too. That’s not punishment — that’s energy looking for release.

And so I remind myself of this: no matter how shiny someone else’s world appears, they too carry burdens. They too have regrets. They too are walking through the fog. We all have stories and shadows. And we are all, in some way, judging or criticising our past choices to try and make a better future — consciously or not.

Anger is not the enemy. Denial is.

But when anger becomes a guide — rather than a master — we start to heal.

If you’re in this place too — heavy with past choices or unsure how to move through — know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to run. What you feel is not your enemy — it’s your guide.

Reflective Prompt: 

What emotion are you currently holding that you’ve been too afraid to feel? If you paused long enough to let your body speak — without judgment or story — what might it say?

To listen to this blog with Bianca as a podcast episode, tune in to Under the Silence — available on all major podcast platforms. You can also listen directly via this link